february 7th 2010
i felt deformed today so i took a deformed photo of myself. im currently watching the cleveland show and talking to yas, while having a cheeky nunite cigarette. i woke up at 2 today and probably wont be able to sleep for a while. ive been kicked out of gym and dance and 2 of my dances at school so im pissed. life is wank at the moment, i feel so shit. i woke up at 5 in the morning today shaking and crying and didnt stop for 2 hours and i have no idea why. i swear im so fucked up, unlucky, and dumb. and im fucking pissed off at my emotions, i wish love & jealousy didnt exist.
february 7th 2010
im fully aware of the fact that i look like shit. im hungover. fuckkkk my head hurts. i didnt write yesterday cos i was busy doing nothing, i could not be fucked. but last night was funny :) me and anna and some peoples went to the white horse pub in epsom and got rather drunk off sambuca shots and vodka mixed with fruit juice. shame its closing down next weekend, tis wank. anyway school tomorrow, not looking forward to it cos my knee is still playing up every so often and i cant be arsed with drama. oh well, gotta learn.. need to get somewhere in life. haha :) ahh this week better go quickly, half term next week and that means i can do whatever the fuck i want to :)
january 5th 2010
today i have seriously done fuckall. i woke up at 2, played sims 3 and burned a ginger bitch, and had a ham sandwich, and now im seriously contemplating vegetarianism after watching kill it cook it eat it on bbc iplayer. the jack wills handbook came today and im also contemplating hanging myself over the incredibly overprized jeans. a pair of ankle socks are £14.50. thats ridiculous, i dont have any socks but i know where i can buy cheap ones, any one heard of primark? yeah thats my haven. im also going to have a nice long bath seeing as i cant stand up properly, my knee is still playing up & it hurts a fuckload. i dont think the doctor understands that i dont want counselling, i just wanna get better. counselling never works for me: fact. so now im having a cheeky cigarette, then bath, then my best friend riannon :) i know who my real friends are now, shame it took me so long to realize. Riannon Emrog Yas Leanne Jem Tash? i love you like freaking OUT OF THIS WORRRRRLD amounts of big love. hmm :)
february 4th 2010
so todays pretty grim, i cant walk for shit. all ive been doing is sitting here and smoking my anus off until something interesting comes along. my knees all bandaged up so i look like something out the corpse bride, its just grim, as i said before. but im singing really loudly (and badly) to try and make things interesting. im currently singing alongside lil wayne, ‘shes so sweet make me wanna lick the wrapperrrr’. theres seriously nothing to do in my boring-as-shit house. i also masturbated, that was fun while it lasted. i might like.. do my coursework? fun shit right there. hmm, fuck my actual fucking life.
february 3rd 2010
well today i can say has been one of the shittest days in a while. you know that feeling when you see something you dont wanna see and something weird happens in your stomach like your heart sinks? that happened. then my mate charlie gave me 2.74 in coppers, and put a lovely little chocolate coin in there which was sweet. prick, and a note which made me smile :) but apart from that, it was absolute shitters. i shifted my knee cap to the left on my left leg and it fucking kills, loads of air is trapped inside and i might have to be on crutches. omg im so happy :’) erm suck a fat one? im pissed. pissed off. pissed fucking off. pissing shit wank fucked off. so basically, ermmmm DO ONE. hopefully getting my medication this week, i cant go on feeling like this.
january 2nd 2010
so yeah, smokings bad. but i never wanna fucking give up cos its so darn gooood :) today was pretty wank, got sent out of german by my shittin’ german teacher (whos a queer fyi, no seriously) for being disruptive, then he told me his lessons were better off without me. i cried cos im an emotional cunt, but only cos thats not the first time i heard things were better off without me. i just finished my romeo and juliet coursework. first paragraph: “Having not reached her fourteenth birthday, Juliet is at an age that is stood on a border between immaturity and maturity. At the beginning of the play, she seems obedient towards adult figures, captivated, and inexperienced child, yet most girls at her ripe age get married, including her mother, although Juliet has not given the subject a second thought.” i am now having a well deserved cigarette and dr pepper :) and for dinner were having HANCHEN. yeah thats chicken in german, think im disruptive? atleast i can speak the language. heres a sentence for you Mr Terry: deutsch saugt riesige genitalien. (german sucks huge genitals).
1st of february 2010 (continued)
i am currently chain smoking and listening to paul weller. beautiful shit up in herrrree. it is now 4:40pm, almost twelve hours on from this morning when i was awake. i slept, and couldnt wake up this morning so i went into school at 11 and missed half the cake sale god dam it. we raised 70 pounds for dance costumes. hell yeah :) i didnt get to see much of my friends though today, i worked hard though and now i feel knackered, but im trying not to fall asleep cos i wont be able to sleep well tonight, and my aim is to get a good nights sleep. :) god bless photo editing, i was able to cut out 5 spots on my face, thats a fucking dream right there. 21:31pm so i’m currently watching glee its absolute CHEESE but i fucking bum it. peter andre’s album advert just came on and i now want to hang myself from my lampshade. fml. when is emily gonna be smiling again? lets hope soon <3
1st february 2010
meh. -.- shleepy emily. its 4:04am as i am writing this, i haven’t slept at all and im not feeling all that tired tbh. just been on chat roulette having bare good times with middle-aged men wanking to there webcam cos they cant get any action irl. ergh, grim. got the cake sale today haha, i cba with school tbh. its just to much effort for me and im finding it hard to cope. im gonna go cos i cant let people down, but i wish i could be somewhere else, somewhere hot preferably. cant wait to get these anti depressants as soon as the doctor stops messing me around. im just so happy ive got my friends, they are the best support system EVER and i love them frickin’ loads. emily needs to get her head straight tbh, and thats what im gonna do. i need my gcse’s and i need to do something with my life. happy days? i think not.
31st January 2010
i cant wait to look back on this date next year and see what i was, and what ive become, and what ive evolved in to. one thing i never will evolve into: skinny. because i love my curves and wobbly bits, not meaning penis, i swear i have a vagvag: today was really good actually :) i woke up to the beautiful sound of leanne snoring at 7.30 and watched toonatik for half an hour, then fell back asleep until 1. then emrog turned up looking all pretty and me in my big brown jumper and trackies, lovely! we have a cake sale at school today so we made 72 cakes (literally) and then decided to paint loads of random pictures to put on my wall. i then played sims 3 for a bit when they went home then had a long arse shower, cut my legs whilst shaving (oww:/) and it still stings, and now im gonna go to sleep :) (btw i had to repost this because it didnt post at first, luckily i did it on textedit first, so it was posted on the 1st of feb.)
